So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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