just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
