we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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