Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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