we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
