I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
