ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
pray to the hookup gods
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
