Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
