I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
