i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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