Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
