In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm at about main and main street
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
