Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
