I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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