cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
