My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
