Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize