I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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