Apparently you make a good broom.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
