I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
