I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize