So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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