After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
