On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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