I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize