My friends, they love my intelligence
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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