Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
