i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize