the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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