he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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