So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
