Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
