last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
