I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
