you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Girls should come with a carfax report
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
