I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
