I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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