i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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