Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The best revenge is premature balding
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
