I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
