You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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