Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
