I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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