She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
