I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
In America we eat man semen.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
