The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
