i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he was CRYING into my vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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