he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
