my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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