Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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