I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
