i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
