i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
