based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
