I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my liver is dry heaving
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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