Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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