Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
