How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
