I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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