Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
