one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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