end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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