Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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