you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
