I wish my penis had an off switch
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
