yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
