***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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