she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
