been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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