Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
lets start a swedish sibling band together
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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