The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
