So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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