My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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