I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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