I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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