Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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