I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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