The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
