remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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