The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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