i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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