8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
