he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
