i was born a porn star she said
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
