Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize