32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize