i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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