Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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