I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize