Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
