I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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