I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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