its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
