Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
